Just when I thought it was safe to go back….
After the first Sox/Yanks spring training game I thought it was over. Sox lost, Yanks won, but I was genuinely surprised to find out that I didn’t care. In 2004, when the Sox lost to the Yankees in a harmless spring training game – I’ll admit it, I was pissed. Not as pissed as I was when, say, the Sox got swept by the Yankees in July, but I still had this hard, indigestible little lump of hatred inside me that absolutely loathed seeing the Yankees enjoying even a modicum of success at my team’s expense. Fast forward through a miracle season which climaxed in the Boston Red Sox publicly humiliating the New York Yankees by being the only team in baseball history to come back from an 0-3 deficit in a seven-game series and I’m sittin’ pretty. So in 2005 the Sox lose a harmless little spring training game to the Yankees – big fuckin’ deal. “The New York Who? Oh, those guys that my guys pounded into the dirt last season, ya, I remember them.” I was ready to put it to bed. I thought at first that Johnny Damon’s grand slam in Game 7 had washed away all the bitterness and hatred and that I – and every other Red Sox fan – had finally been vindicated. The Red Sox can, in fact, beat the New York Yankees on occasion – even when it matters! – and now I can go on with my merry little baseball life.
And then I watch yesterday’s game. A game which, ironically, the Red Sox won. And literally within ten minutes of the start of the game the hatred was back. I hate the Yankees. Unequivocally. To a man. Hate. If I’m in a good mood I’ll admit that I like to watch Mike Mussina pitch. But other than that I just hate that fucking team, plain and simple. What triggered this assumed-to-be-forgotten conditioned response, you may be asking. Two words for you: Michael Kay.
I’m not even sure if I spelled that asshole’s name right. He pretty much exemplifies everything that I absolutely hate about the Yankees as an organization, a team and a fan base: know-it-all, arrogant, self-righteous fuck-faces who, when they have absolutely nothing else to fall back on, will just endlessly masturbate themselves to thoughts of former glory. Michael Kay is one of the most self-congratulatory, biased, shamelessly homer-istic announcers in professional sports and I hope he has a miserable fucking personal life. It’s the little things: One minute into the game, the cameras are panning around “Legends Field” – even the fucking name of their spring training park is fucking nauseating – and Mr. K, in awed, hushed tones, says: “Every…seat…completely…filled.” Ya, real impressive, asshole – you sold out a fucking spring training game. Why don’t you concentrate on selling out that big ol’ stadium up north every once in awhile. If Remy and Orsillo were to convey the same information to Sox fans it would be something like “…and the Sox take on the Yankees in a sold out game here at City of Palms Park.” But not Michael Kay, oh no.
I swear to god the game has only been on for five minutes before these buffoons start talking about “class.” How Classy all the Yankees are and how UnClassy and Idiotic the Sox are. How A-Rod is the best player in baseball and how that makes him a target because he’s better than everyone else and gets paid more than everyone else, and how the Yankees as an organization become a target because of who they are and the success they always enjoy and about how they build a team to win a championship every year instead of other teams who just get lucky after 86 years of “angst.” Then comes the Yankee’s half of the inning. Derek Jeter gets a hit on the first pitch from John Halama, and right away Michael Kay starts in on how bad it must be as a pitcher to see your first pitch driven into center field and yadda-yadda-yadda when I distinctly remember Mark Bellhorn driving the Yankees’ pitcher’s second pitch into nearly the exact same area of the field. Unfortunately I was unable to continue to watch this game and turned my attention instead to Baseball Tonight and a totally weird tutorial by John Kruck, Gammo and Harold “I Suck Yankee Cock” Reynolds on how to steal second base with a lefty on the mound.
Fuck the Yankees. Fuck the YES network. Fuck Michael Kay. The hatred is back. The universe, I guess, is just the same as it ever was.
Oh, and by the way:
more days until Opening Night.
P.S. If you haven't watched the video on the Boston Globe's website entitled "Renteria Does Country" you simply have not lived. Please. Do yourself a favor and go watch it.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Just when I thought it was safe to go back….