The Boston Red Sox: Defenders of the 2004 World Championship!! "Whoever plunges into his experiences with the momentum of hope, will remember so that he cannot forget." - Soren Kierkegaard.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Cowboy Up! Posted by Hello

Okay, so bear in mind that "This Friend Of My Friend's Said That..." stories are sometimes urban legend, sometimes rumor, and almost always bullshit, but:
My very close friend Jonathan has a friend who plays for the Florence Freedom minor league baseball team. He's talked about this dude several times, about how good he used to be and yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, this guy is apparently on pretty decent terms with Cincinnati native Kevin Youkilis (this is the second person I know who knows Youkilis. The first person was a total drunk we all called "Danimal" who knew Youkilis from college, only this was like four years ago, before Youkilis was on the radar, so we didn't really care who "Danimal" knew.) So Jonathan's friend from the Florence Freedom [aliteration rules] said that Youkilis told him that Kevin Millar takes the worst smelling shits in the clubhouse. This is what Jonathan tells me today. He was all excited to be able to tell me this since he just hung out with this guy yesterday on his day off or some shit. He told me a couple other things about some other players, too, like how nice of a guy Ortiz is and how Manny doesn't just act like a silly stoner for no good reason - but some of those things I'm more skeptical about. Too sensational. But Kevin Millar's bowel movements?? Why would somebody lie about that? And more importantly, how in the fuck did this come up in conversation between Youkilis and the Florence Freedom dude, and why did the Florence Freedom dude think to tell this particular detail to my friend Jonathan?

Yet somehow, it fits. I bet Kevin Millar takes some hellacious shits.

By the way, this conversation came up because one of my idiotic co-workers was needling me about how come I was naive enough to not think that Ortiz was on steroids but Barry Bonds is. Jonathan jumped in and said how he was just talking to his friend who knows Kevin Youkilis, and Youk said that all he ever saw the Sox doing was working their asses off. So that's nice to know. Apocryphal in origin, yes, but it's what I want to believe so I'm going to go ahead and believe it.

And did you hear that "Mikey" from the Life Cereal commercials ate Pop Rocks and drank a Coke and died of an exploded stomach? It's true. A friend of a friend told me.