Ever been jealous of dirt?
Because today is my birthday (I'm 27, ugh,) I'm going to make a Top Ten list of Manny Ramírez fantasies I have had in 2004.
10. Turning a plastic kiddy pool into the world's largest creme brulee (vanilla, of course,) and wrestling Manny in it while he is clad in only the smallest and tightest of blue thongs with a strategically placed Boston "B." I would, of course, lose this match, and then promptly challenge Manny to a best-of-three series.
9. Administering a cool mango juice sponge bath to Manny after said wrestling match. (I have this thing with mangoes, I don't know what it is, but for me, this is the best of both worlds.)
8. Sharing a blunt with Manny while sitting on his leather couch watching, say, The Matrix on his impossibly huge plasma screen television while we keep track of the Sunday football games on the picture-in-picture, eat Trix right out of the box and wash it down with 40s of St. Ides.
7. Actually getting a response from that fan letter I sent him last year. Thanks for nothing, Manny.
6. Watching Manny ride a mechanical bull.
5. Listening to Manny do a guest color commentary during one of his hamstring-induced stints on the bench.
4. Getting to ride around in Manny's car - I bet it's tricked out as fuuuuuuuck. Again, this involves the use of illegal drugs. With the windows rolled up. (In Ohio we call that a "clambake.")
3. Dressing Manny up in cute pajamas with footys on them and tucking him into a bed shaped like a Corvette.
2. I can't tell you what this one is.
1. Watching Manny get presented with the World Series MVP trophy.
Hey, one out of ten ain't bad! Dreams really DO come true!
I was going to put something of real substance on the end of this entry, but fuck that. Bye.