Sox clinch a trip to the playoffs in a strange game against Kazmir and the D-Rays, and my dream of seeing Manny Ramírez in a wet t-shirt contest is fulfilled.
I really have developed an intense dislike for the man they call Kazmir. I don't like his face, his smirk, or the way he makes the Red Sox look like a bunch of assholes at the plate. So I think it's safe to say that I wasn't exactly crying into my beer when that little punk got thrown out in the fourth after hitting two Sox batters in a row, especially since one of them was my boy Manny. In the bottom of the third inning, Arroyo hit Aubrey Huff and Tino Martínez, which is pretty fucked up, but remember that Arroyo has hit like a kajillion, trillion batters this year. Not that that completely excuses him, but the boy is wild. Bitch-ass Kazmir comes out in the fourth inning and hits Manny somwhere on the leg, gets warned, then promptly hits Millar in the side. After a long period of consideration, Kazmir gets tossed from the game. As the rules dictate.
I was fortunate enough ::coughsarcasmcough:: to be watching the game on Tampa Bay feed and got to witness the most glorious five innings of bitching, whining and outright personal attacks I've ever heard from two announcers who don't work for the YES network. It went from "what a shame, the kid didn't mean it, he was pitching a no-hitter and these umpires should be ashamed of themselves" to "only the homeplate umpire who is there in the heat of battle should be able to make decisions like that" until, by the end of the game, when their shitty excuse for a ballclub was losing 7-3, they stooped low enough to start picking on player's personal appearances, including but not limited to hairstyles, batting helmets and general physical demeanor.
Fuck you lame-ass announcers who aren't even fit to pick the peanuts out of Jerry Remy's shit; the Sox won, you didn't, why don't you save the energy you're expending on all your weltschmerz and use it to duct tape that piece of shit stadium back together again.
It's weird - I'm happy that the Sox are going to the playoffs, but it's sort of a holding pattern on the celebration because we don't know if they're going as wild card or divisional winners yet. Me personally, I'm sort of in favor of just letting this team get some rest for the remainder of the week. Ya, I know that would be quitting on the divisional hopes, but now that I know the Sox are going to be there in October, I want them to go deep into it, not just go down in the first round due to exhaustion. Does this make me a bad fan? I don't know. And in this vein, I am faced with the uncomfortable possibility of maybe needing to sort of start half-ass rooting for the Yankees to whip the motherly jesus out of the Twins and for Oakland to beat whoever it is they're playing (can't remember right now) so that it's the Yanks that have to play the Twins and not the Sox. The Twins scare me. The Oakland A's make me giggle into my sleeve. 'Nuff said.
Wow. I just contemplated rooting for the Yankees. I feel so....dirty.