The Boston Red Sox: Defenders of the 2004 World Championship!! "Whoever plunges into his experiences with the momentum of hope, will remember so that he cannot forget." - Soren Kierkegaard.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

So I lied about not making another post until after the All-Star Break.

All about Dave. Posted by Hello

This is my sous chef, Dave, also known as Big Pen, Manolo, Gigli, DP, and, after busy Saturday nights, SeƱor Pinga Roja ("Mr. Red Penis.") Dave is one of the best cooks I've ever known, which is probably how he got his job. (Well, that and a lot of blowjobs.) Dave took me from a little know-nothing punk and made me the semi-respectable cook that I am today, and I'm sure it hasn't been easy - he tries to strangle me to death at least once a week, and the backs of my upper arms are generally covered with bruises from Dave pinching me all the time. (If you've never been pinched there before, try it - it's a real blast.) Dave is a wonderful, knowledgable boss and an excellent friend. Never play him at chess, never talk to him about Sim City 4, never let him see your scallops searing on the side - if you can do those things then you should be able to get along fairly well with him. Dave also is a great big hater, as he suggested that perhaps 95% of people reading this blog did so because they were old, perverted men who were jacking off to my picture because they thought I was a thirteen year old boy. So this is my tribute to Dave - my favorite cook-turned-sous chef ever. Unfortunately, he's not single, so ladies - move along, nothing to see here. Dave rocks!
In some random Sox news, Ortiz wasn't that great in the Home Run Derby. He got three, but might have ended up with four or five if they had had the stupid roof opened for the first round. It was fun to see him and Manny messing around together, though, and Ortiz's pre-game get-up can be summed up in one word: Playalistic. I think Ortiz borrowed his sunglasses from J-Lo or something.
I agree with SurvivingGrady.com - R.J. is going to end up in pinstripes. I don't want him on the Sox, but I DEFINITELY don't want him on the Yankees. I wish he'd just stay the hell in Arizona, to be honest, but it's not looking that way. I hope that the Yankees stadium breaks off the fucking continent and drifts up to Nova Scotia with all of it's players and fans inside, and I hope that George Steinbrenner gets put in a metal barrel and rolled down 17 flights of concrete stairs.
While still in a vein of outright hatred, my husband and I were talking about steroid abusers in baseball and surprise, surprise, Jason Giambi's name came up. Has anyone ever thought about this: Jason Giambi hit two homers in game 7 of the ALCS...if he weren't juicing, maybe one of those wouldn't have gone out...and then who knows what would have happened. Fucking dirty, scumbag, pinstriping CHEATER!!! I don't believe in God, but if I did I would pray to him every night to let me find Giambi in the street somewhere so that I could scream right in his ugly fucking face.
The All-Star game should be entertaining tonight...and tomorrow our favorite Masshole in the world, Paulie, is coming to stay with us for a few days! And I get my first Friday off in probably....I don't know, years! Wooohooooooo!