The Boston Red Sox: Defenders of the 2004 World Championship!! "Whoever plunges into his experiences with the momentum of hope, will remember so that he cannot forget." - Soren Kierkegaard.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I'm one of those people that talk/yell at the television. Even if I'm just watching Law and Order or whatever and one of the suspects says something stupid to Lenny Briscoe, I'll be like "Boy, this dumb bitch is going down!" Fortunately, I hardly ever watch regular television. But during the summer when we're watching baseball games every night, my tv-yelling becomes nearly an art form. Just ask my husband. He's the quiet type (further proof that opposites attract,) and is happy just throwing his Sox hat at the tv screen. Not me. Although I also throw my hat, it's usually accompanied by something like "(player name), you (expletive) moron, I've seen rigor-mortised corpses make better plays at (position) than you!" (Fill in the blanks.) But don't think I'm always ranting and raving - I also cheer a lot, too. You know, encouraging guys at the plate to get a hit or extoling whomever is on the mound to strike this POS SOB out, etc. But the bottom line is that all this yelling and talking at the television has caused me and those close to me to develop a lot of nicknames for Sox players.
Some are pretty obvious, some are kind of arcane and involve inside jokes, but I love them all and I'm going to post them because I'm so geeked for the regular season to start. I have to give a lot of credit to my friend John Frakes, who - even though he dislikes baseball - is one of the funniest guys to watch a baseball game with.
Johnny Damon: Tattoo, cause he looks like the midget from Fantasy Island, if he weren't a midget, that is. Sometimes just called J.D.
Nomar: Unfortunately Nomar became "Mr. Useless" at the end of the season, and I can't really remember what we were calling him before that.
Manny: Manny has had a lot of nicknames, but the one that has really stuck is Bubba. And we mean that affectionately. Any ball that Manny must field can also be accompanied by singing calliope-like circus music.
Kevin Millar: is and always will be Big League, since he looks more or less dead on the guy on the Big League gum pouches.
Trot Nixon: you can either call him Trawt, with your best redneck drawl, or Crowbake. It's one of those obscure things - my crazy ass station partner said Trot's filthy batting helmet looked like he had baked a crow on it...for some reason it stuck.
David Ortiz: Zeus or Thor. For awhile we were calling him Shrek but we noticed he always had bad at-bats after that. Too mean-spirited.
Jason Varitek: JVT, nothing special there.
Pedro Martínez: Sweet P. I can't explain this one, though, because it's slanderous, and when you make $9.50 an hour you generally try to avoid lawsuits.
That's all I can think of off the top of my head. I have to go to work early today because we are doing an off-site party of 250 (what a nightmare.) Too bad the Scum beat us yesterday. Adios.